Beauty isn't physical

Hello everyone!

-I've been editing this for a long time. It's still not perfect. I keep editing, doing something else and then coming back to this. I need to stop obsessing over the details and just post... :/

I've wanted to write a blog post about body image for the longest time, and have just been struggling with what to share/what to say to hopefully help others. 

Hopefully, you can get an insight to my own struggles regarding this topic and realise that appearance is not the most important thing about a person.

I feel slightly panicked posting this. This is a really personal subject and I don't know whether I should even be talking about this. I just don't want anyone to go through this, and if I can help anyone even in the tiniest way, I want to try.

This is for anyone who's ever felt bad about their appearance. To whatever extent. Please read this.

Both men and women should feel comfortable and happy with whatever body type they were born with. We, unfortunately have been conditioned to think we have to look a certain way to look attractive.

There are many things to blame here. Peoples comments. Ads. Your own expectations of yourself. 

It’s natural to stare at an ad of a male or female and compare yourself to how they look.

But how many different body types of males are depicted in ads? One. He is almost always tall, has a six pack, and has arms that have lifted many weights.

Obviously, that body type is not possible for every guy. And that's okay. 

The same goes for women. The body type constantly thrown at us in ads is slim. Or the even harder body type to have (naturally), the slim one with curves only in two places. 

Well, I’m sure you all know you that spot weight loss is impossible. Girls want to exercise without fear of losing weight in their breasts, which you can't exactly do without surgery. Breast augmentation is the most popular form of plastic surgery with almost 300K women in America getting implants in 2014.

And males use steroids because they feel they have to look strong.

You see? It isn't possible/easy for us to have a "perfect" body naturally. 

I’m not saying be unhealthy. I’m not saying ditch your workout and healthy eating food plan. 

I am saying that if the reason you are doing those things is to look a certain way, there is a high chance you are only going to feel worse as time goes on, effort goes in, and you’re still not happy.

I could talk about my struggles with body image for hours. I’ll keep it short for you guys…

I am not going to get into the cause of it, because I can't pin point one particular reason. It was caused by a variety of things. I don't feel as it is necessary to share that part of my story. 

Let me tell you something: at my LOWEST weight, which was about 17-19 kg lighter than I am now, I was still unhappy. In fact, I was miserable. Instead of reaching my weight loss goal of _____kg and saying, “Okay. I’m just going to maintain this”, I would continue to lower it. 

Basically, I was never satisfied.

I never thought it was enough. 

It's so easy to get addicted to losing weight. It can start off as a choice, but it can spiral out of control.

*That being said, weight loss does not indicate the amount of suffering. Its purely a side effect. We all lose weight differently. Weight loss is not a measurement of how severe someones struggles are. 

Someone who loses 1kg could be suffering just as much as someone who loses 15 kg. People need to understand that. 

I didn’t exactly see a different person to what others saw. It was my perception on what I saw.
It's important to realise that we have distorted perceptions on ourselves. Often we see ourselves as a lot worse than we actually are. 

I am not sharing what I wrote below for attention. For sympathy. I am sharing for you to get a better insight. On how I was in 2013-14 especially. 

About 1.5 years ago I would flinch when people would hug me or touch my waist.

I would decline invitations to any situation where I had to be seen in bathers.

I would debate for hours on whether or not to eat lunch.

I would make sure I never ate more than half the recommended daily calorie intake.

I would pretend I was sick to avoid going out on days I thought I looked awful. 

I would work out for HOURS almost every day. It was my number 1 priority. Over schoolwork, over my energy levels...

I would look at pictures of girls I wanted to look like online all the time. Until my eyes went blurry.

I would get into arguments with my parents and friends about not eating/exercising too much.

I would drink so much water to suppress hunger pains.

I would never accept compliments. 

So much more. But I think you get the point :p

"You have really nice eyes"

me: once I have 50 eyeshadows on

-a conversation I had in 2014

Now, I didn't write this blog post to subtly say, "Please feel sorry for me" I just wanted to share that despite how life restricting and destructive this problem is, IT IS NOT IRREPARABLE. I dunno if I am fully recovered. The important thing is that, I am recovering. 

Fast forward to now. 

I'm not uncomfortable with contact.

I managed to go out in my bathers. Once, back in October. 

I haven't skipped a meal in a long time.

I don't count my calories. 

I haven't avoided leaving the house because of my appearance in a few months.

I work out, but within my limitations. 

I still look at photos of girls. With more appreciation now rather than resentment. 

I don't argue with my friends and family about those things anymore. 

I drink a healthy amount of water, and not as a substitute to actually eating food.

I can say "thanks" to compliments now. Sometimes they're still hard to believe. I'm trying though.

I realise that those things, if you hadn't read above, would not sound like accomplishments. But they are. I need to give myself more credit. Whatever progress is still progress. It is still  moving forward.

Realistically, no amount of compliments will make you love yourself. Validation from others will only help you if you tell yourself the same things they tell you.

There's only one way to be happy with our appearance. 

Often we look to others for happiness. But happiness comes from what we tell ourselves. Remember that. 

We need to accept all the great things about ourselves instead of highlighting the negatives. 

It will not happen overnight. It may take years. But its going to be worth it. 

I’ll be the first to say accepting my own body is one of the hardest things I’ll do in my lifetime. But, we can do hard things. We will do hard things. We will not let our outer appearance define us, okay?

I am trying to work on my self . I finally realise that is what's truly important. Developing character.

And if anyone makes you feel as if you aren't good enough, whether it be a family member/significant other/friend, know that they are wrong. 

You are so much more than what people think of you.

You are good enough.

We need to realise that beauty is not a physical thing. 

I love her ^

Anyone who focuses on appearance alone is shallow. They do not deserve your wonderful personality (and are missing out on that btw) that is worth so much more than how you look.
You deserve better and you will get better, I promise.

Lets play a would you rather, sound good?
Remembering you can only choose one.

Would you rather someone who can always make you laugh or someone who has nice hair?
Would you rather someone who's always there for you, or someone who has a great body?
Would you rather someone who you know you'll have a good time with or someone who has nice eyes?

You realise how ridiculous the latter sounds now? See whats truly important?

You will never be perfect. You will be perfect for someone though.
You will never be the best. You will be the best for someone though.
Maybe you already are.

Because girls, you are not your bra size. Your clothing size. The way your face looks without makeup. 

Guys, you are not your size either. You aren't your muscle mass. You aren't your height.

We will not be defined by our appearance, okay? 

You are the way you make others feel. You are the incredible amount of strength you’ve had to make it this far. You are amazing.

You are amazing. Its time you believed that. 

xx